The 8 mile melt down and an epiphany

Running and I have no always gotten along. Some times there is nothing better for my mood than a nice run, then other times I feel like a smoker with lung cancer trying to run. In January I decided that I was going to run the calgary marathon again (with a goal of under 4 hours) and then the sylvan lake half ironman 8 weeks later. Training was going well, I was getting my long runs in on sundays. Then I was thrown for a loop a couple of weeks ago, when the sylvan lake for canceled. Thankfully my registration was transferred to another race in Oosoyos, but it is 2 weeks earlier.

Since then my long runs have been a struggle. I have been trying to decide if doing the marathon was still a good idea with the half ironman that much sooner. Since Ben and I are not yet signed up for it, I do not have to do it. Well this indecision has shown up in my training for the marathon. Last weekend I was supposed to run 2o miles (32 kms).. well I got 1/4 of the way and got frustrated with people passing me and threw in the towel (it was one of those running days where I felt like an out of shape smoker). I sat down on the pathway by the reservoir contemplating the thought of continuing my run or turning back. After an hour passed, i decided it was probabaly a good idea to turn around and run home. Well after running 5 miles and sitting for an hour my legs had seized so the way home turned into a run/walk. The next day I was determined to finish that 20 mile run, so I went out with Ben on Sunday and we ran 14 miles. Since combined in those 2 days I got the distance in I wasn't too discouraged.... that was until this weekend.

This weekend I was supposed to run at least 20 miles again , with the calgary marathon 35 days away. Yesterday was pretty crumby out so ben went for a long run and I did a run bike day. I ran a personal best time for a 10k run, then hit the gym for an hour of pounding the bike (since the roads still have gravel on them for the bike). I felt good and had lots of energy. I felt very confident in my running ability. That all changed on Sunday. Ben and I went out for that 20 mile run at 9am. I didn't feel too bad and got past the 1/4 mark that taunted me last weekend. Then we hit the 8 mile mark, only 2 more miles and we were going to turn around and head home! That is, until my legs started aching, and I started wondering why I was running this far since in my triathlon I only have to run a half marathon, and I'm not even signed up for the calgary marathon. Also, I was 3 minutes off the pace that I wanted, too slow. Suddenly those 2 miles seemed like 10000 miles. I spoke up and we turned around. As we started running back I got mad and frustrated at myself. Why did I turn around, it was only 2 miles, that's not that far. Then thinking about how slow I am, and how I'm brutal at running. As i got more and more worked up about turning around and being slow, my asthma started acting up and then the tears came. I stopped on the path, crying. Poor ben didn't know what to do, except keep up the encouragement, trying to at least get me walking again. Being stubborn as I am I wouldn't budge. Eventually I decided to start running again, this time fueled with anger and frustration. I was running much faster than i should have been, but I didn't care, I was determined to be a fast, good runner. I only made it about 2.5 more miles. My legs and lungs were screaming. I was frustrated that I didn't run the 2 extra miles, that I was running slower than my pace. So, of course being the awesome girlfriend that I am, I took my frustration out on Ben. Poor Guy. We wound up walking the 5.5 miles home, and during those 5.5 miles I had an epiphany. If I signed up for the calgary marathon, I could of course finish it. Maybe not in the 4 hours that I would want to, but I would finish it. But I have been expecting too much from my running performance considering I am training primarily for a triathlon. Instead of running 6 days a week, I'm running, biking and swimming. How can I expect to excel at running when I am not concentrating only on running. My goal right from january is the half ironman, and the calgary marathon more of just an after thought. Therefore, do I want to just run the marathon to do it, cause if I do then I shouldn't be worried about my time.

In the end, I have decided that I am going to focus on speed and strength for my triathlon, and cheer everyone on at the calgary marathon. I need to focus on training for one or the other. If they were more spread out than I could do both, but they're not and I can't. I have been trying to spread my self to thin, and my performance in both might suffer. I can always do the edmonton or the okanagan marathon later in the season. Cause then I can focus on just running, instead of trying to squeeze in a long run for the marathon in between my triathlon training, and doing both within 6 weeks of eachother.

Other than my training crisis, life has been pretty good. I am officially going to be finished my economcis degree in June, and Ben will be starting his school in May and will be done in June. Since we're both going to be done, we're looking into moving to revelstoke this summer instead of waiting until January. So as soon as we find jobs and a place to live we're getting out of this city and getting our life started in the mountains, where we both belong.